We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize