I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
