Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
