oh god the rape fog is back!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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