just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
