My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
