Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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