He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My first STD was from a foam party
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
