toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
