o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
