Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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