have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
