Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
