best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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