Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
