I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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