Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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