I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
