ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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