Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
