I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
