I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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