He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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