Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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