I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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