Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
