do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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