There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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