i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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