Swine flu. Run for my life!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
