I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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