i would punch a child for taco bell
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
