If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you win again, gameday.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
