She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
