How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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