I should be sponsored by Trojan
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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