I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
