Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
