This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
