he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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