why didn't you poke me back
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
