Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
