I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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