So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
