I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
