I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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