My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize