When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
