come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
