I don't think brook has ever known best
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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