I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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