We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
