Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
