Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
