umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
