Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
