I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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