Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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