This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My vagina is officially offended.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
