We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize