if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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