Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
