I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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