Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
