If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize