also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
