If i come over, it means nothing
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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