Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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