I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
