My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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