That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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