I must be too annoying 4 u.
More tranny stories later!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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