Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
