it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i love accidental penises.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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