Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
