be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
