I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
