I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize