Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
