You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize