I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
