you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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