Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
