I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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