1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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