need another drink. this is the easiest way
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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