Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
