im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
