now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Text me some of your sweat
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
