K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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