Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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