Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
