apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
