the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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