I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
