So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
