She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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