He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
