Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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