guys are not supposed to queef...right?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
