wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
