life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
