bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Vodka?
Forever.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
