My room smells like vodka and shame
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
