WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
