tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
