Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
