New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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