grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
