so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
